He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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