My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
