I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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