i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
