She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
