I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
