So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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