i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
