If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
