i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
