I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
