I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
