I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
