:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
