I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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