why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
