when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she looked like the before picture.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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