So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
