So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
