Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize