This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize