All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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