I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
