i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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