dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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