He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
