She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
