Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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