I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
