I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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