I just made out with a guy for $7.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
