I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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