she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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