Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
