Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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