just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did I show you my penis last night?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
