i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
