The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
