HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
