chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
