If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
