He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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