i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
