I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
