What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize