Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
