so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
