I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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