before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
