glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
