you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
