He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize