U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
