it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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