After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
