She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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