well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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