He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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