Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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