I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
